I would like to die now, please.

Stupid depression is hitting me in crushing waves.
Happiness is a state of mind.
I shall be happy, please.

My results are out.
Goodbye university.
I feel like a boulder just dropped onto my shoulders as realization dawned.
I'm... stupid?

I studied, and this is the kinda grades I get?
Are my brain cells truly dying?
What good am I?

I've picked myself up many times before.
But this time's too painful.
I can't get into a university.
Oh.
My.
God.

I can't even cry right now.




This is so meaningless.


I have no money.
I have no name.
I have nothing.


What good is having so many friends, when all I feel is so alone?



I'm a bloody good actress though.
And brain-washer too.
To brainwash myself into thinking everything's fine.
When it's not.
Everything is falling apart at the seams.
Nothing is fine.
My life is... falling apart.
For the lack of better words.

Sure I smile and laugh.
I drown myself in busy.
I meet up, hang out with friends.
I date.
I work.
I do everything, so many things, there isn't enough time in the day.
I lose sleep every night staying up till 5 in the morning.
And sleeping till 12 unless I have to be off to somewhere, for work or whatever it need be.

I'm losing it :(
I can tell.
My parents, they haven't noticed it. They scolded me though, for getting D's.
I'm surprised myself.
Trust me.
I'm shocked beyond words.
I paid $25 fucking hell. For the school to do a review of my examination results.


This is not happening.
I'm losing myself.


If I hadn't accumulated so much sins, enough for God to throw me to hell, I would've wished I were dead.





-12842
Live big, man. Dream small.